


Confessions

by do_you_permit_it



Category: Les Miserables
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 04:58:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/do_you_permit_it/pseuds/do_you_permit_it
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Les Amis are having one of their usual Friday night parties when Grantaire says something to aggravate Eponine and she responds in an unexpected and hurtful way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever fic, please be nice

Grantaire pushed the palms of his hands deeper into his eyes, urging the tears to retreat. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this, especially not Enjolras. The music from the party had grown distant but one sound was far more definite; footsteps coming towards the room. His footsteps, they had to be. Grantaire considered barricading the door but he knew of Enjolras’ strength, all attempts would be feeble. 

There was a light knocking on the door and Grantaire hastily brushed away the tears on his cheeks, but he could not remove them from his eyes. The door creaked open tentatively and a beautiful marble face appeared behind it. Grantaire had never seen such tenderness in that face, it was always hard and impassive, but not now. It seemed as though Enjolras was seeing Grantaire for the first time, and he had only the deepest sympathies for him. Grantaire returned his head to his hands; he was unable to see that look in his heroes face. 

Enjolras took careful steps towards Grantaire, as though not wanting to frighten him. He took his seat next to Grantaire on the bed, unsure of what to do next. Courfeyrac was the one who usually dealt with situations like this, not him. God he wished he was here now. But no, this was his mess and he couldn’t let anyone else clean it up for him.

Enjolras was unfamiliar with the ways of consoling someone, especially a drunk. So he simply put his hand on his friend’s knee and rubbed his thumb in reassuring circles. What he thought would comfort the drunk, only made things worse. Grantaire flinched under his touch and violently pulled away, almost falling to the floor in the process. He didn’t deserve such tenderness from his Apollo. He kept his face turned away from Enjolras who was still sitting on the bed, a bewildered expression on his handsome face. Grantaire mustered all his courage and spoke, 

“Leave.” He choked out through his tears. Enjolras rose from the bed but made no move towards the door. He instead walked up to Grantaire, who still had his back to him and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m not going anywhere until you face me and tell me what’s going on.” Grantaire recognised that tone. It was one that meant no negotiations could be made. Enjolras knew what he wanted and wasn’t going to leave without it. The warmth from his hand was enough to fill Grantaire’s entire soul with unbelievable amounts of joy and grief. He slowly turned to face his Apollo, which was no easy task as Enjolras refused to remove his hand from his shoulder. They were soon facing one another but Grantaire kept his eyes on the floor. Tears were streaming from his eyes again and he would hate for Enjolras to notice. He should have known that wouldn’t be enough for him. 

“Look at me.” Enjolras demanded. Grantaire gave a sheepish shake of his head in response. But Enjolras was determined to see this through. He placed his other hand under the cynics chin and forced his head up to his own level. 

“R, this is foolish, just talk to me.” Enjolras’ face was hard as ever but there was true concern shining in his eyes. He wanted to fix this. With slight hesitation, Enjolras moved his hand across Grantaire’s cheeks, wiping away the tears that had trickled down from his eyes. Never had the drunk dreamed of receiving such a tender touch from anyone, let alone Enjolras. He wanted to appreciate the beauty of this moment, let the joy fill him but the ache in his heart was too heavy. He couldn’t allow himself to believe that Enjolras cared for him, he couldn’t linger on that fantasy. With on determined shove, Grantaire pushed Enjolras off him and made his way for the door. But Enjolras was far too quick for the drunk’s clumsy steps and slammed the door shut before Grantaire could slip out of it. In one swift movement Enjolras turned Grantaire around and pinned him to the wall by the shoulders. His grip was firm but he tried not to hurt Grantaire. The space between them was the smallest it could be without their bodies actually touching. They seemed to breathe as one. 

“I told you I wasn’t leaving. And neither shall you until you tell me why you’re so upset!” A hard line of determination shaped his features. He wanted answers, answers that Grantaire wasn’t keen on sharing. He was so intoxicated by Enjolras’ closeness that he almost forgot why he was so upset. Almost. But this wasn’t something he that he could let go of easily.


	2. Chapter 2

A Few Hours Earlier. 

 

Enjolras had been forced to come to the party by Courfeyrac. He’d insisted that it would be the most fun he’s had in years. Enjolras wasn’t keen on the idea, he had a history project due in a few weeks that he really needed to get started on. But Courfeyrac was persistent as usual so Enjolras had made it to the party right on time, punctual as ever.   
Grantaire on the other hand arrived to the party over two hours late, and drunk. By the time he arrived the party was in full swing. His friends were dancing to obnoxiously loud music that made his head pound. He could see Enjolras off in the corner talking to Combeferre, no doubt about some important school project that he should currently be doing. Grantaire inhaled deeply as he observed the beauty of his Apollo. He was wearing his favourite red shirt, the one that hugged every muscle perfectly. His golden curls fell loosely around his brilliantly sculpted face that for once actually looked mildly relaxed. A small grin came to Grantaire’s lips as he watched the beautiful man but it was quickly wiped away as Courfeyrac approached him, beer in hand. 

Grantaire didn’t feel much like dancing, or talking really. He was already quite drunk so standing for long amounts of time was a difficult task. He made his way over to the bar and pulled up his chair for the night. He made sure that he could see Enjolras from his perch, wanting to spend the night silently watching him. His conversation with Combeferre appeared to have come more light hearted as the two were now laughing. Grantaire admired the way this transformed the man, everything from the crinkles beside his eyes to the loosening of his posture. He loved seeing his Apollo so happy and he often wished that he could be the one to make him smile in such a way but that was a ridiculous notion, Enjolras was repulsed by him. 

Grantaire stayed on his own for quite some time, only participating in small talk when others came to the bar. Overall he was content with being left alone. So when Eponine approached him, he couldn’t help but feel a little disgruntled. He wasn’t in the mood for making conversation. But it was clear that Eponine wanted to speak with him, and though he may be sarcastic and cynical, he still had manners. 

“Hello m’lady” he said, his speech slightly slurred. 

“How are you already drunk, you’ve only been here for like an hour?!” said Eponine, taking the seat beside Grantaire. He pretended to act offended. 

“Ep, I thought you knew me!” This produced a harsh laugh from the dark haired girl but her face turned to a scowl as she spotted something across the room. Grantaire turned to see the source of her bitterness. Marius was sitting on the couch, a beautiful blonde girl in his lap. He was unfamiliar with who the girl was but he knew what it meant to Eponine. Grantaire turned back to her and she was staring daggers at the blonde. She turned away only to pour herself the strongest drink she could. 

“I thought you might understand what I was going through.” She said as she finished her drink in one impressive gulp. Grantaire looked at her quizzically and she nudged her head in the direction of Enjolras in response. 

“Ah, I see.” Grantaire didn’t care to go into any more depth with the topic so he simply reached for another beer. 

“The worst part is he doesn’t even know that this tortures me.” This was a feeling Grantaire was all too familiar with. Enjolras often did things that upset him without realising, like those jokes he always made at his expense. Most of the time he could laugh them off but sometimes they cut him deeper than intended. 

“I’ll drink to that.” said Grantaire, raising the bottle to his lips once more. 

 

The two talked for quite some time yet neither mentioned Marius and Enjolras again. But every so often Eponine would catch a glimpse of Marius out the corner of her eye and deal both of them another round of shots. Grantaire wasn’t complaining but after they’d had a decent number of rounds, he noticed that Eponine wasn’t holding up so well. She couldn’t hold her liquor like he could.

“Hey, why don’t you take it easy?” said Grantaire as Eponine began pouring them another round. 

“Piss off. I’ll do what I want.” But Grantaire pulled the bottle away from her before she could finish them. This resulted in a fair amount of alcohol being spilt on the floor.   
“What the fuck is your problem?” Eponine tried to grab the bottle back from Grantaire, but if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s holding onto a bottle. 

“Grantaire give me the bottle!” demanded Eponine, fury blazing in her eyes. 

“No Ep, this isn’t good for you.” He didn’t mind losing himself at the bottom of a bottle but he couldn’t stand the thought of Eponine doing the same. 

“Oh come on! Tell me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing if you saw Enjolras with someone else.” She spat out her words, not realising just how deep they cut. Of course Grantaire had thought what it would be like to see Enjolras with another, but he usually took a large gulp of absinthe to rid himself of the thought. She was right. He would do the exact same thing. But he wasn’t going to admit that to her. 

“I wouldn’t know, the situation has ever arisen.” He said flippantly, pretending as though her words hadn’t conjured an unbearably hurtful thought. 

“Well then let’s find out.” said Eponine with a wicked grin on her face. Before Grantaire knew what she was talking about, Eponine had risen from her seat and was storming across the party, heading straight for Enjolras. Without a second hesitation, she pulled Enjolras towards her and kissed him aggressively. Enjolras was shocked by the turn of events but did not pull away immediately. The kiss lasted several intense seconds but they separated at the sound of breaking glass. 

Eponine and Enjolras turned to see Grantaire standing over his broken bottle. His face was one of a man whose entire world had just been shattered along with the bottle at his feet. With his heart ripped in two, the drunk fled from the room, down the hall and enclosed himself in Courfeyrac’s bedroom. Enjolras looked around the rest of the room, pausing on the mess Grantaire had made and then again on Eponine. She was looking back at him, a look of shock and shame on her face. 

“I’m so sorry.” Enjolras heard her whisper, but her apology wasn’t Enjolras’ concern at the moment for he was already making his way down the hall towards the heartbroken drunk.


	3. Chapter 3

Enjolras still had his hands tightly wrapped around Grantaire’s shoulders. Although Grantaire was no longer struggling against his restraints, he was still being as uncooperative as possible. He refused to reveal himself to Enjolras and Enjolras refused to give up on him. The tension between the two was so thick it was almost suffocating. Yet despite their proximity, Grantaire was still managing to avoid the young man’s eyes, for he knew they would be his undoing. 

Enjolras was growing weary of the argument, almost believing that he would never get an answer from the drunk. But he had to get to the bottom of this, he simply had to, it was his duty as his friend. He shook Grantaire, practically begging for an answer. 

“R will you please just talk to me? I need to know why you’re so upset so I can help you.” The drunk suddenly snapped into attention. 

“You can’t help me!” he yelled, finally bringing his face level with Enjolras. Enjolras had not expected such an outburst and flinched in surprise. Rage was blazing in the drunk’s eyes, an intensity that Enjolras didn’t think he possessed. Instead of moving forward, he’d just pushed their conversation back three steps. This wasn’t working. He tried for a new approach. 

Enjolras released his grip on Grantaire’s shoulders and took a step back. Grantaire was puzzled by this, thinking that perhaps he had given up. Good. He didn’t want to discuss this with him. He wanted to be alone, preferably with a bottle in his hand. But there was tenderness in Enjolras’ face that demanded attention. With an uncharacteristic softness, Enjolras spoke once more. 

“Grantaire, I’m sorry. Whatever it is that I’ve done to upset you, I apologise. And I’m sorry for trying to squeeze an answer out of you, that was rude of me and I should respect your wishes.” The look of sadness and guilt on Enjolras’ face was not one that Grantaire could bare. He averted his gaze, tears filling his bloodshot eyes once more. 

“I think it might be best if I leave.” He slowly made his way to the door. But Grantaire no longer wanted him to leave. The compassion he had just shown was like none Grantaire had ever imagined receiving from him. Just as Enjolras was turning the door knob, Grantaire reached for his arm and stopped him in his tracks. 

“Don’t go.” His words were soft but his intentions were clear. Enjolras turned back to face the drunk seeing the sadness in his eyes. It broke his heart to see him in such a state. He wanted to simply comfort Grantaire, hold him until his tears were gone but he still had too many unanswered questions. Knowing that his words may put the walls up between them again, he pushed forward. 

“Will you speak to me?” he asked. For a moment, Grantaire gave no response. He simply looked deep into Enjolras’ clear blue eyes, a look of anguish on his face. It seemed as if he was fighting a battle within himself. Grantaire knew what this meant. He would have to tell Enjolras everything, absolutely everything that he had kept sheltered from him since the day they first met. With great difficulty Grantaire nodded. He couldn’t hide this any longer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I told some people I wouldn't be updating this until easter but I had a burst of inspiration.

Grantaire motioned towards the bed, silently asking Enjolras to sit. He accepted, leaving room for Grantaire beside him. Enjolras realised just how important this was to the drunk and how nervous he had become. All colour had retreated from him face and he was fiddling with his hands in his lap. He could see Grantaire rolling thoughts around his head so he thought it best to keep quiet and let Grantaire start. He’d already prodded him enough, he just needed to be patient. 

Grantaire inhaled deeply and finally spoke. 

“Do you remember when we first met?” he asked. 

“Of course.” Enjolras was bewildered by the question. It was not what he had expected him to say.

“How do you remember it?” Enjolras was confused. This wasn’t the way he thought the conversation would play out.

“What do you mean?” 

“Just explain what it was like for you.” 

“Grantaire I really don’t see the point in this.” 

“Please Enjolras, it’s important.” Grantaire’s eyes looked pleadingly into his. He could tell it was important and he really did want Grantaire to feel better. 

“Alright fine.” Grantaire’s posture relaxed a little, relieved that Enjolras was complying. 

“I was speaking at one of the school rallies. I was performing a speech that I had been rehearsing for weeks and just as I was about to reach the climax of my speech, you cat called me from the back of the room.” A small smile came to Grantaire’s lips at the memory of this. Enjolras continued.

“You completely threw me off guard and I lost my place in my speech. It was an utter disaster. You made me look a fool in front of everyone.”

Grantaire outright laughed at this.

“What’s so funny?!”

“You have always had a knack for making things sound far more dramatic than what they are. I remember the speech being a huge success.”

“You weren’t even listening!”

“How would you know that?”

“Because you never listen to anything I say.”

“Wrong again Apollo. I always listen. Your words captivate me.” The smile was gone from his face and was replaced with one that was deadly serious. 

“Now it’s my turn to recall.” He sat up straighter, summoning all the courage he could. He exhaled deeply before continuing. 

“My friends had dragged me along to a school rally. I really had no interest-“

“What a surprise.” said Enjolras dryly. 

“Shut up. You’ve had your turn not let me have mine.” Enjolras motioned forward with his hand, giving Grantaire the stage.

“As I was saying, I went with a bunch of my friends. We thought it might be fun to pull prank.” This got a scowl from Enjolras but he didn’t interrupt.

“It sounded like a good idea to me but as soon as I walked in, I forgot why I had come. At the front of the room was the most breathtaking sight I had ever seen.” He paused then turned and looked Enjolras right in the eye. “It was you Enjolras. You completely took my breath away. You made me forget who I was. All I wanted in that moment was you and I know I would’ve done anything to please you, to make you notice me.” Grantaire kept going, fearing that if he stopped he might completely break down. He had to get this all out at once so the words continued falling out of his mouth. 

“I needed you to know who I was. I needed you to look at me. I knew it was stupid but I had to make sure that you were real, that I wasn’t dreaming. So I cat called you right in the middle of your speech. You were so taken aback, just like I was when I entered that room. The moment was perfect. It let me know that you were real and that you could hear me, me the pathetic drunk of all people.” he knew he was rambling so he tried to bring himself back to the point. “From that moment I knew Enjolras, I knew that I could never truly be happy until I had you. I love you Enjolras, I always have, from the very first moment I saw you.” He stopped, realising all that he’d just confessed. Oh god what had he done? He buried his face in his hands. Enjolras would never be able to look at him again. He’d ruined the friendship they had, now they would have nothing. 

Grantaire was about to get up and run when Enjolras took his hands away from his face and held them in his own. Grantaire turned to look at him, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t understand. Why wasn’t Enjolras repulsed by what he’d just said? Why wasn’t he looking at him with disgust? And for god’s sake, why was he smiling?!

“It’s about damn time.” said Enjolras, his smile turning into a full on grin. 

“What?” asked the bewildered Grantaire. This got a chuckle from his Apollo.

“I said it’s about time you fessed up, took you long enough.” Grantaire was still trying to grip reality when Enjolras lent close to him and pressed his lips against his. It was soft at first, both of them loving the beauty of the moment, but it quickly became more heated as they gave into their desires for one another. Enjolras looped his arm around the back of Grantaire’s neck, grabbing a fistful of his dark curls and bringing him closer. Grantaire wrapped his arms around Enjolras’ waist, feeling the contours of his back. Grantaire wanted to memorise every single detail of his body, every rise and every fall, the softness of his lips and the roughness of his stubble. Everything about him was perfect. 

They eventually pulled apart, both gasping for air. Their arms remained wrapped around each other neither of them wanting to let go. They placed their foreheads together, each of them intoxicated by the other. This was true bliss. Enjolras wiped the remaining tears form Grantaire’s cheeks and kept his hand on the side of his face. He spoke softly.

“Grantaire from the moment I saw you, I knew you were trouble. I knew you had the ability to completely turn my life upside down, and I wanted you to.” Grantaire snapped up, head-butting Enjolras in the process but he barely noticed.

“You mean to tell me you’ve had feelings for me this entire time?!” Grantaire couldn’t believe this. He must have heard him wrong. “Why didn’t you let me know?”

Enjolras let out a soft laugh. 

“For the same reason you didn’t tell me. I was scared Grantaire. I was afraid that if I put myself on the line, you’d turn me away.” Grantaire couldn’t believe his ears. Enjolras was afraid? That wasn’t possible.

“But you’re not afraid of anything.”

Enjolras laughed again, much louder this time.

“Grantaire of course I was afraid. Everyone has things that frighten them. For me it was you. You intimidated me Grantaire. I was afraid that if I let myself give in to you, I’d completely lose myself.”

“Do I drive you crazy?” said Grantaire, a playful grin spreading across his face. He leaned into Enjolras teasingly, practically begging him to kiss him again. 

“You have no idea.” Enjolras couldn’t resist the bait. Their lips pressed together once more. They fit together perfectly as though they were sculpted only so that they could fit one another. They wished the moment would go on forever but they were interrupted as Courfeyrac came into the room. He took one moment to assess the situation before breaking into a full on grin.

“Bout bloody time!” he proclaimed. Enjolras and Grantaire both looked at the floor, embarrassed by being caught. Courfeyrac chuckled in the doorway.

“Well at least you’ve finally dealt with your insane amounts of sexual tension. Bet that feels good.” he said with a wink. Enjolras and Grantaire were still utterly shocked and Courfeyrac was enjoying their suffering. 

“Come one then, better join the party. Everyone’ll be thrilled. Do you have any idea how long we’ve all been waiting for this?”

Enjolras and Grantaire both laughed at this. Probably just as long as the two of them had been waiting. Enjolras threaded his fingers through Grantaire’s and pulled him to his feet. They were about to follow Courfeyrac back down the hall when he stopped them.

“Eponine went home by the way. Said she felt horrible for what she did.”

Grantaire had forgotten all about that. He was having such a rush that he’d forgotten why Enjolras had followed him in the first place.

“Did she make it home alright? I mean she’d had a lot to drink.” Grantaire couldn’t help but feel responsible for that. 

“Yeah she’s fine. ‘Ferre took her home, said she fell asleep the second she hit the bed.” Relief flooded through Grantaire. At least she was alright. He made a mental note to thank her, for had it not been for her impulsiveness, he would still have all his emotions bottled up inside him. 

They headed down the hallway to the lounge room, Enjolras and Grantaire’s hands still entwined. As they entered, their friends took a moment to process what had happened. Marius made the connection first and began cheering. The others soon joined in, making the pair feel rather foolish. 

“Come dance with me.” Enjolras whispered in Grantaire’s ear. He let his Apollo lead him to the dance floor where they leant in close to one another. They were acutely aware of the eyes on them but neither one cared. They were both in a moment of perfect bliss and nothing could break that spell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, feedback would be greatly appreciated :)


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